Who cares for the caregiver?

 

       Not to brag, but I've been a caregiver in some way, shape, or form my entire adult life. I started as a preschool teacher then moved into home healthcare and paraprofessional psychology. I had three foster daughters and two foster sons. I took care of my dear friend as he went through bladder, bone, and brain cancer. Then I met my now-husband and started caring for his elderly stepfather and now I care for my mother-in-law. It's all so strange that I have been cast in this role. My own parents passed away when I was still a teenager and my only daughter was gone before I could even hold her. What lesson is God trying to teach me from all of this? This is a question I wonder all the time. 

How did I become the caregiver?

I'm a narcissistic histrionic personality with bi-polar tendencies. Unsurprising since bi-polar runs in my family. I'm very ill-suited to this role that God has cast me in. I think that's exactly what he wanted me to learn. All the things that I am weakest at. He wants those to be my strengths. 

Psychobabble aside, I was inspired to start this blog today because it is a very overwhelming day for me as a caregiver. My mother-in-law, God Bless her heart, has not been having a good day today. She fell in the middle of the night because she stubbornly refuses to use her walker. Now, mind you, she is huge fall risk. She has frontal dementia, which really messes with gait and balance. She broke her elbow a couple of Christmases ago and has broken both wrists, her tail bone, and bunch of other things. I take it that she was clumsy even before she got sick from the stories my husband's family tells. 

But the day got more frustrating when she, unknown to me, took three laxatives and is now pooping everywhere. And I am the mom to three lovely dogs, one of whom decided to try her poop and promptly threw it up. Oh and did I mention that I am trying to quit smoking? 

Luckily, I am blessed to have some of the best, most amazing  and supportive friends in the world. I just wish that they lived closer. But, inspired by one of my besties, I decided to take a moment and have a devotional, take some time with the Lord and recenter myself. I looked online for devotionals for caregivers, but they were all older or not really what I needed. Finally, I just decided to read a random Psalm. It's amazing how Gid can direct you straight to the verse you need. 

(Oh, as a note, I'm a fan of the contemporary English version of the Bible because when I was little I tried to translate the Bible into plain English and this is pretty much what I had in 17 different notebooks growing up.)

Psalms 62:5-7

5Only God gives inward peace,

and I depend on him.

6God alone is the mighty rock

that keeps me safe,

and he is the fortress

where I feel secure.

7God saves me and honors me.

He is that mighty rock

where I find safety.

I keep trying to look for peace outwardly, but I need it inwardly. Only God can do that for me. (And a hug from my husband doesn't hurt!) I need to remember when I am frustrated and overwhelmed that I need only ask God and He will bring me the comfort and peace that my heart desires. He is my rock. He will always be there for me. Even if my dog catches a bird and brings it inside to eat without me knowing. Even if the world outside is going crazy, He will be there for me. God is my rock, my salvation in the storm. 

Sometimes, when you are caring for others, it's a nice reminder that you do have someone caring for you. God. You need only to ask.